This genius mindset tweak

He kept watching people less experienced than him close more deals.
People who didn’t understand the numbers like he did.
People who weren’t as thorough.
People who, frankly, weren’t as good.

And he told me he wasn’t bothered by it 🙄

He was studying them.
Learning from them.
Figuring out what they were doing that he wasn’t.

Very mature. Very intellectual. Very stuck.

Because here’s what he wasn’t doing.

He was not calling brokers.
Not reaching out to partners.
Not putting himself out there.

Instead, he was spending his energy analyzing why other people were succeeding -instead of taking action himself.

There is a psychological term for what was happening with this guy.
It’s called intellectualization.

It’s when you use super smart logic to block uncomfortable emotions.
Anna Freud described it in 1937 as “thinking used to avoid feeling.”

And your brain is brilliant at this.

Instead of feeling the sting of “I’m falling behind,” you focus on facts and analysis.
You study their methods. You compare strategies. You turn emotional discomfort into an interesting problem to solve.

George Vaillant at Harvard explains that intellectualization separates emotion from ideas.
It’s great for academic performance.
But in commercial real estate, it keeps you safe instead of moving you forward.

When you intellectualize, you never feel the productive discomfort that drives change.

This guy isn’t actually learning from others.
He’s protecting his comfort zone.

Social comparison theory reveals something important.
When we compare ourselves to people who are crushing it, it’s risky.

We can become motivated OR paralyzed with fear.

The difference is whether you see them as an attainable role model or as further proof you’re falling behind.

Recent research shows this pattern:
Upward comparisons lower self-esteem and raises anxiety.

And intellectualization makes this worse:
When you tell yourself “I’m studying their methods,” you avoid the harder question underneath:
“Why am I not taking action?”

Because that question is uncomfortable.
So your brain keeps you safe by analyzing instead of acting.

Barry Schwartz’s work on the Paradox of Choice adds another layer, too.

The more you study, the more options you see.
And more options makes it harder to move.

The irony in searching for a better strategy is that you’re less likely to make a decision to enact that strategy.

Searching for a better strategy steals your happiness and your momentum.

Here is where ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) gives us something very actionable.

Research shows that cognitive defusion lowers the emotional sting of negative thoughts more than distraction or positive thinking.

And the technique is dead simple.
When your mind says “They’re doing better than me,” you respond:
“Thank you mind. That’s just a thought.”

That’s it.
Warm, gentle, and honest.

Your mind is trying to protect you.
It’s just not helping.

It’s like your toddler asking to help you cook dinner. Great intention - but not helpful.

Studies show that Thank You Mind lowers the intensity of negative thoughts.

Here’s what it looks like in practice.

Your mind: “That guy is just starting out and closed a five million dollar deal?!”
You: “Thank you mind. I know you’re trying to protect me from feeling inadequate.”

Your mind: “You should be doing more.”
You: “I hear you, mind. Thanks for looking out for me.”

And here’s the icing on the cake:

Then you take action anyway!
Call the broker. Send the email. Reach out to the partner.

Not because you feel ready.
Because listening to those thoughts doesn’t build a legacy.

Intellectualization feels productive.
It feels like learning.
But it’s just a sophisticated way to avoid taking action.

Your mind will keep generating stories.
“They’re doing better.”
“You’re falling behind.”
“You need to figure it out first.”
“You’re not ready.”

Thank your mind for those thoughts.

Then ACT on what matters to you anyway.

The syndicator I talked to did this for three weeks.
He started thanking his mind.
Taking action before he felt ready.

Last week he reached out to two bigger names he’d been silently following for 6 months.
One call turned into a potential joint venture. The other - an upcoming meeting.

Not because he stopped comparing himself.
Because he stopped letting comparison keep him stuck.

Chris

Freud, A. (1937). The ego and the mechanisms of defense. Hogarth Press.
Vaillant, G. E. (1998). Adaptation to life. Harvard University Press.
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice. HarperCollins.
Masuda, A., Hayes, S. C., Sackett, C. F., and Twohig, M. P. (2004). Cognitive defusion and self-relevant negative thoughts. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 42(4), 477–485.
Masuda, A., Feinstein, A. B., Wendell, J. W., and Sheehan, S. T. (2010). Cognitive defusion versus thought distraction. Behavior Modification, 34(6), 520–538.
Arch, J. J., Wolitzky-Taylor, K. B., Eifert, G. H., and Craske, M. G. (2012). Mediation of CBT and ACT for anxiety. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 50(7–8), 469–478.
A-Tjak, J. G., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A., and Emmelkamp, P. M. (2015). Meta-analysis of ACT for mental and physical health. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30–36.